Poking Normalcy In The Backside
by Oregano
Summary: Jess lets go just as Rory holds on. Problem? Psh, problem Stars Hollow's ass... R&R please.
1. Lorelai

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

++++ Bad title, I know.  It was either that or "Evil Luke and His Sidekick Stupid Jess".  I didn't think anybody would read it if I used the latter, so I guess we're stuck with that title.

+++ I'm taking a break from script-style.  Don't get me wrong, I love script-style; I just wanted to try again with the normal kind.  See if I can improve a bit.  

++ You may notice that I don't write Rory parts too much.  In all honesty, Rory confuses me.  She gets all 'out-of-character'-y when I do it.  Okay, anyway, please read this one.  Please tell me if it's any better than the Raine Stories.

+ I got a new email address!  Quick, email me!  galoogs@hotmail.com

                Lorelai Gilmore carried a bag of candy and walked against the bitter and cold wind.  Bitter and cold.  Huh.  Reminded her of Luke.  Stupid Luke.  He was still being all civil and proprietor-y.  She hated that.  

Lorelai gripped the plastic bag she was holding even tighter.  

She was also alone now.  Her daughter Rory had skipped off to Washington, leaving her to fend for herself against Evil Luke and to pick up the pieces of her heart which Christopher The Ass had smashed with his psychological sledgehammer. 

Lorelai forced back a sob.  She started to walk faster.  

When Lorelai reached her house, she was already drowning.

The girl stood on the dock, staring sadly after the love of her life.  As the wedding ship sailed farther into the sunset, she closed her eyes and gave into her tears.  She leaned against the wooden pole behind her and slid to the floor crying for her prince.

"I so know how you feel, Ariel." Lorelai said miserably.  The Little Mermaid had to be one of the greatest movies of all time.  Walt had really outdone himself on this one.  

Lorelai stabbed the ice cream that was coldly burning her hand.  It was moments like these where she missed Rory the most.

She turned the television and video player off without bothering to finish the movie.  Sighing dejectedly, she readied herself for another lonely night alone in the big quiet house.

Lorelai twisted and turned, as if it would help her sleep.  Actually, it just helped her get stuck in the covers and nearly get strangled by it.  With a huff, she sat up.  

Little beams of moonlight found their way to her bedroom window.  Maybe a midnight walk around the town would help her relax.  Lorelai went over to her closet and grabbed a thick coat.  She looked down at her pizza pajamas and shrugged.  She put the coat over her sleep-wear and grabbed some sneakers. 

After a minute, she was out the door.

It was a cold night tonight; quiet, too.  The gravel crunched below her with each step she took.  Lorelai inhaled deeply, and for a moment, she forgot all her demons.  

A movement caught her attention.  A person slowly shuffled towards the old bridge by the school.  Was that…

"Jess?"

Hell no.  Jess was gone.  He was somewhere in New York killing someone else with a car.

Lorelai quickly followed him, careful not to be seen.  Walking around the bridge, behind the trees and shrubs, Lorelai saw him.

Jess was back.  

A surge of anger went through Lorelai.  It took all of her strength to keep her from charging towards him and breaking his legs.  Frowning, she crouched lower and peered at the little punk through a thick wall of greenery.  

Jess sat facing her, a book in his hands.  He was reading.  

Lorelai took a moment to miss her daughter.  

Rory was like that, too.  Every time Rory was absorbed in a book, a little bubble would form around her.  She would emit this aura of comfort that relaxed her.  Lorelai would just smile and walk away.

Despite her anger, Lorelai found herself entertaining a familiar feeling.  It bubbled up from inside her chest and slowly made its way up her lips.

Lorelai was smiling.  Because of Jess.

Dear God, what has the world come to?

She blinked and slapped her mouth.  She had to get out of there.  She had to leave.  If she stayed another second, she would probably run out of her hiding place, hug Jess and call him her daughter for all eternity or something.

Lorelai turned to leave but her foot landed on a slick surface.   Her eyes widened as she found herself slipping.  She desperately tried to grab some sort of branch, but all she could gather were twigs and dead leaves.  After a minute of rustling around, Lorelai let out a breath and frowned.  It was useless.  Jess probably already knew someone was there and she'd just get ever dirtier, anyway.

With a heavy sigh, she surrendered to gravity.

_SPLASH!_

Dammit. 


	2. Jess

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

+++ Hey!  How is everybody?  Well, I hope?  I'm trying to work on a sequel to Luke and Lorelai: Sitting In A Tree.  No luck yet.  But if something hits me, I promise I am posting it the first chance I get.

++ I'm still thinking whether to continue or leave it like this.  What do you guys think?

+ OOH!  Maybe you guys could also brush me up on my Gilmore girls lingo… I can't understand what people mean half of the time.  "AU"?  "Literati"?  "Narco"?  "WIP"?  "JavaJunkie" is Luke and Lorelai, yes?  Jeez, I feel like one of those tourists lost in the armpits of Europe or something… 

                Jess Mariano flipped a page from his book, slightly eager to know what happens next.  Books were like that.  He'd read this particular one about fifty times, but there was something wonderful about it that he couldn't place.  

Jess was aware that something was rustling around in one corner of the shrubs, but he paid no regard for it.   It was probably just some squirrels doing their thing.  

His face slightly scrunched up as an image of two squirrels doing it in front of him entered his mind.  Gross.

He was also quite surprised when Lorelai busted through the plants and collapsed into the water.              

After a whole lot of splashing around and gurgling cries for help, Lorelai regained her composure.  She stood in the middle of the water, drenched to the bones and frowning.

                Jess put his book down beside him and rested his elbows on his legs.  With a raised eyebrow, he spoke calmly against the semi-darkness.  

                "What the hell are you doing, Lorelai?"

                "Did you not hear me cry for help?"

                "What do you need my help for?  The water here only comes up to your waist."

                Lorelai looked down.  The water was, indeed, rippling just around her own waist.  She sighed and waded towards the little wooden bridge.

                Jess still didn't help her.  Lorelai was a big girl; she could handle the present situation.

                "What are you doing here, Lorelai?" Jess asked again.

                "I couldn't sleep, alright?"

                "So you decided to stalk me in the middle of the night instead."

                Lorelai heaved herself up beside Jess and scowled at him.  His face remained its passivity.  A trace of a grin played around his features for a bit.  Finally, they yielded to his usual smirk.  Lorelai could be quite the nutcase, if given the chance.  It was past midnight.  She was soaking wet, in pizza-adorned pajamas, a thick coat, and pink sneakers.  

                "I wasn't _stalking you," she said defensively.  "I was walking around town—"_

                "In your pajamas…"

                Lorelai groaned.  "Ugh, forget it," she said as she rose.  

                Jess knew he shouldn't say anything more.  Maybe it was the lateness of the hour, the book he was reading, or the new hair gel he was trying; but as Lorelai turned to leave, he slowly, against his will, said, "You know I'm sorry, don't you?"

                Or maybe he just really was sorry.  He gave himself a mental kick in the head using a mental size-13 ski boot.

                Lorelai turned back to him and gave him a weak smile.

                "Yes, I do."

                Jess let out a breath he knew he was holding for about a month now.  He looked up at Lorelai and gave her a smile that carried the same weakness.  

                He knew that they were both tired of that issue.  

                "You came back for Rory, didn't you?"

                Oh, God.  Maybe not _this issue.  He and Lorelai seemed to have a lot of issues.  That wasn't good._

                Jess bit his lip and frowned a little.  It was an inaudible answer, but his actions said it all.  Together with the mental ski boot kicking his head, a mental noose wrapped itself around his neck.  

                "She cared about me.  It was a nice change from the 'Jess is evil' vibe."

                Lord Almighty.  Jess would turn into a vegetable before this night was through, the way things were going.

                He stood up to make a fast exit.  Unfortunately, Lorelai, with all her dripping greatness, managed to prevent that.  He slipped on a wet part of the bridge and fell into the water himself.

                Ah, sweet memories.

                Coughing, he stood in the water, as Lorelai had earlier.  Freeing a shudder from his chest, he fought the urge to ask for help.  

                Jess climbed up to land without a word.  He grabbed his book that floated in the water.  

                Lorelai's lips turned up and her mouth parted into a smile.  A genuine smile.  A smile she only showed to the people she liked.  He saw it frequently, but the recipient of the gesture was never him.  It was always Luke.

                Both of them stood on the bridge, all squishy and wet, looking at each other; one smiling, and one slowly smirking.

                A cricket announced it presence with its shrill noise, and the life long crossfire was forgotten.


	3. Luke

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

+ Thanks to all you guys who helped me understand the funny world that is FanFiction.net: Sub Category: Gilmore girls.  I am now safely out of the armpits of Europe as a lost tourist and happily chatting with the locals.  "Hey man, I'm a JavaJunkie-Literati kind of girl!  Maybe someday I could do an AU fic, huh?  But for now, it's still a WIP!  Not too many Nacro's, eh?"  Okay, I'll stop now, before I turn Canadian.  

                Luke Danes groaned in his bed.  This was stupid.  It had been a long time since he had gotten a good night's sleep.  He knew the cause of his recent insomnia; Lorelai and that damned accident.  He knew she was sorry.  He should have pardoned her long before.  "Pardon"?  Where the hell did "pardon" come from?  Lorelai wasn't on death row…  

                The right word was "forgive."  He knew that, too.  Luke knew that he had forgiven Lorelai already.  He just couldn't bring himself to act the same anymore.  It was too damn weird.   It wasn't fair to Jess, either.

                It wasn't the kid's fault.  Lorelai just refused to see that.

                Luke got out of bed, as it was useless to be in it in the first place.  He walked out of his "room" (He didn't know what else to call a division of the apartment that had no door.) to make something to drink.

                Crap.  They were all out of stuff to drink.  He owned a freaking diner, yet his apartment had nothing to drink.  

                His eyes darted to Jess' bed.  It was empty.  Again.  He rolled his eyes and opened the door to the stairs that led to the diner.  

                On his way down, Luke heard voices.  They sounded oddly familiar.  Were those… Jess and Lorelai?  Talking?  Jess _and Lorelai?  Jess.  And Lorelai.  Talking._

                Great.  He must finally be asleep because this _had to be a dream.  He rounded the small corner, and to his collapsing lung and palpitating heart, saw Jess and Lorelai talking by the counter.  She held a mug of coffee in her hands, and Jess had a glass of hot water in his.  _

                "Ha, wha—ma…"

                They both immediately stopped conversing and faced Luke.

                Jess furrowed his eyebrows and spoke, "Luke, are you alright?"  He watched his uncle stumble towards a seat and sit down beside Lorelai.

                "Jess and I signed a treaty tonight, if that's what you're all blubbery about."  Lorelai said tersely.  She shifted her stool a bit to gain more space in between them.  She was still obviously stung by what had happened and what he had said this morning in the diner.

                "Jess, can you get me a mug of hot water and some honey, please?"

                "Honey water?  How flowery of you."

                "Lorelai…"

                "Alright, alright, I'll shut up."

                Jess went about his business as he prepared Luke's drink.  Luke put his head in his hands and sighed.  He waited until Jess went into the kitchen to get the honey.  Without lifting his head, he addressed her, "Thank you for making peace with Jess."

                He didn't see Lorelai smile at him.  

                "You're welcome, _HoneyBoy."_

                Good Lord.

                "So what demon possessed you to go out at two in the morning?"

                Jess appeared and set Luke's mug down in front of him.

                "Christopher.  And you."

                "What did that puss do to you now?"

                Luke's hands were clenched hard enough to break the mug he was holding as Lorelai sadly relayed the details of her experience with Christopher.

                What a butthead.

                "That guy's a dick," Jess declared.

                "Is there some sort of Anti-Chris Support Group I don't know about?"

                Luke's lip twitched as he said, "Yeah, we hold meetings every Wednesday with free cookies and coffee."  

                The abnormal night soon ended, and the moon gave way for the dawn to arrive.  Luke grunted as he saw Jess asleep on a chair with his feet propped up against a table.  Then he smiled a little bit when he realized that he and Lorelai were still side by side at the counter.  Her head rested against her arms, squishing her face as she slept.  His laughing gaze then followed Lorelai's outstretched hand, which lazily clasped his.

                This had been one bizarre night.


	4. Rory

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

+++ Hey look!  It's a Rory chapter!  Oh, God.  I hope it doesn't suck.  I'll be counting on your reviews, people!  Come on!  

++ I just bought a new CD by New Found Glory, _Sticks and Stones!  It's really good!  Everyone buy it!  Yay!_

+ Yeah.  I'm in a pretty good mood today.  This chapter really sucked the first time, but I kind of took a break, replenished my Gilmore girls Juice, and tried again.  Woohoo!

                "…So I told him, 'Look, _Bud, Ferdinand Marcos did a lot for their economy!"  Then I gave him this evil stare.  He said, 'He took away their __Writ Habeas Corpus!'  Ugh.  Whatever.  Make one mistake and you pay for it your whole life.  Okay, I'm tired.  I'm going to bed."_

                Rory Gilmore didn't say a word to Paris Gellar as they made their way from the elevator to their room.  She was getting pretty used to it, actually.  She found out that Paris talked to herself a lot, so it wasn't a problem if she didn't listen.

                Paris changed into her sleeping attire in a flash, crawled into bed and said, "Goodnight, Rory."

                "'Night, Paris."

                Rory took her time, unlike Paris, to change into her pajamas.  She walked around the room, still not too sleepy.  She went over to the telephone and hesitated.  

Rory was about to call him.  Jess.  She wanted so much to call him and just talk, but she couldn't bring herself to dial those numbers.  Sighing, she tried another set of digits.

                "Yellow."

                "Hey, mom."

                "Rory!  Ah!  I'm so glad you called!  A whole bunch of stuff happened while you were gone!"

                Her mother sounded a tad too cheery.  Hmm.  A wide smile spread around her lips.

                "You made up with Luke!"

                "Yes I did!  He gives me a hard time with my coffee again!"

                "I'm glad you guys have progressed."

                "Hoo!  Tell me about it!  Oh, and Jess is back."

                A shudder slithered up Rory's spine.

                "Oh!  Jess.  Really?"

                "Yeah.  You may have expected Armageddon for the second time, but we actually sort of agreed on a settlement."

                "A settlement?"

                "Yeah!  He gets the car and I get half of the diner.  We then share custody of the dog."

                "You and Jess made up, too?"

                "Yes.  During one very insane night.  There was a lot of water involved."

                "Well, that's very good to know."  Rory said, but still a lot surprised.

                "A new girl came over, too!  She and Jess hang out a lot.  She's pretty.  In a Courtney Love kind of way."

                Jess met a girl.  They hang out a lot.  She's pretty.  Right.

                No way.

                "Is she his…" her throat constricted as she croaked, "g-irlfriend?"

                "I don't think so.  Looks pretty platonic.  What's wrong with your voice, Rory?  Are you alright?"

                Rory sniffed.  This prospect of Jess having another girl was attacking her body from different directions.

                "Rory?" her mom asked again.

                "Mom, I have something to tell you.  It's about Jess."

                "Are you _kidding me?!  You have to be!  You __kissed Jess?!  __JESS?!  You?  Kissed?  __JESS?!"_

                Rory closed her eyes and sighed.  She knew her mom would react like this.  She just thought that she could have toned it down, with the Settlement and all.

                "Mom, please, I need Understand Rory Mom, not Illogical To Rory Mom…"

                It took a while to get her calm, and when it came, her mom said, "You have to tell Dean, you know?"

                "I do."  Her voice was breaking down more and more.

                "I know I've told you this, but, now I'm pretty sure that you're starting to fall for Jess."

                Rory shifted in her seat on the sofa and clumsily fell to the floor.  

                Oof!

                "I think I already have."


	5. Lorelai

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

++ Hi!  This chapter's pretty short.  Sorry about that.  I'll try to make the next ones longer, to make up.  Heehee.  It's just been really busy over here, as in busy to the point of lack of sleep and nosebleeds.  (Gross faces from everybody.)  Right.  Sorry about that.  Again.

+ To Angel Grace: (curtseying) Why, thank you for that beautiful review!  (eyes dart to everybody else's angry eyes) Gah, I love everybody else's reviews a lot, too!  They're all beautiful!  Beautiful, wonderful reviews.  It's like prancing in a meadow full of non-allergenic flowers every time I check the review board.  Okay.  I'm taping my mouth shut with duct tape now…

                Lorelai walked into the Diner the next day with a feeling of nervousness.  This was going to be weird.  It had been a few weeks since Rory had gone, and it gave her a chance to get to know Jess better.  Now, he was like Lorelai's annoying little brother.  Of course, that would make him Rory's uncle and that would also make Luke hers.  It was way too weird, so she stopped thinking about it for a while.

                The door gave its jingling announcement and let Lorelai in.  She made her way to the counter and waited.  Jess ambled over with his little smirk-face and gave her a mug.

                "Hey," he greeted casually as he poured her some coffee.

                "Hi, Jess."

                Lorelai was about to speak, but the door interrupted them and made that familiar sound.  Jess looked at that direction and Lorelai noticed his face light up.  Hmm.  Not good.  

                She turned and saw the new girl.  Lorelai's eyes followed her as she sauntered over to the other end of the counter.  Jess walked over to her and set the coffee pot down.  

                Lorelai's eyes then narrowed as she surveyed the scene.

                The girl suddenly grabbed Jess by the shirt and kissed him from her side of the counter.

                It was official.  Jess had found himself a girlfriend.

                Lorelai sat on a bench reading a newspaper beside Lane Kim, Rory's best friend, who was sipping iced tea from a straw.  At least it looked like that.  Actually, Lorelai's paper had an interestingly large hole in the middle; Lane's iced tea had settled at the bottom of the cup; and the bench in which they sat was, funnily enough, right in front of the Auto Shop which, even funnier, was where the new girl worked.

                Jess may be Lorelai's pretend-brother, but Rory was her real-daughter.  She counted more.  This would break Rory's heart.  Lorelai wasn't sure how observing (not _stalking, that was illegal) the new girl around was going to help, but hey; it was summer, the Inn wasn't very busy, and she was getting pretty bored._

                "Her name is Shane," Lane murmured, "and she has a lot of piercings.  My mom would have a heart attack if she saw where."

                "Ooh.  She's an artist," Lorelai said, sounding very much like the Wicked Witch Of the West.  Now, she and Lane sat behind the gazebo, playing an unprogressive game of chess.  Shane, their victim, was sprawled on the grass, sketching into a sketch pad.

                "She's pretty good."

                "In a weird, Dark Horse Comics kind of way."

                They saw Jess walk over to Shane with his smirk and his hands in his pockets.  The two of them immediately snapped their attention to the chess pieces.  From Lorelai's peripheral vision, she saw Jess sit beside Shane and give her a kiss.

                "Who's controlling the white guys again?" Lane asked, confused.

                  
  



	6. Jess

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

++ Hi!  Hey!  I'm still alive!  Yeah.  I would like to apologize for the Slug/Turtle Update.  I was just really busy these past few days, getting ready for school and stuff.  Yes, I do go to school.  I promise I'll try to be faster next time, but I can't give you any guarantees.

+ This chapter is a teeny bit longer, but not so much.  Okay.  Bye!

                Jess leaned back to see what Shane was so busy drawing.  She looked back at him with a coy smile and lifted her shoulder to block his view.  Jess' lip twitched.

                He missed this.  This whole thing that he felt when he was with a girl.  It was just like when he was with - his eye jerked - Rory.  

                Well, Rory wasn't here anymore, and she'd been gone for a long time now.  At first it hurt him that she didn't say goodbye; but as the pain faded, so did his affections.  

                Shane, on the other hand, was different.  She didn't make him feel like some stupid puppy that followed her around.  She appreciated him.  She wasn't a very big fan of reading, like he was, but she still read a little and was well-informed.  That was enough.  

                Art was Shane's life.  It was her passion; her thing.  Just like reading was Jess'.

                An arm went around him, jolting him back to earth.  

                A few days later, Shane walked into the Diner.  Jess looked up with a smile, and took his break.  Sitting down beside her, he spoke, "Hey."

                She smiled.  "Hi, my little Love-Muffin."

                "Jesus, Shane," Jess chuckled softly at the horrible attempt of a greeting.

                "Pssh, whatever.  You like it and you know it."

                "Who told you that, my cute little Bunny-Boobs?"

                The moment he said that, Lorelai walked in and looked at him with so much confusion that he smiled.  Then he saw this look pass over Lorelai's face.  He couldn't describe it, but it wasn't a look he saw often.  It couldn't have been Jealousy, unless Lorelai was into Pedophilia.  It couldn't have been Hurt, as that lead to Jealousy, and that led, yet again, to Pedophilia.

                She noticed him staring at her and the mystery look vanished.

                Huh.  That was weird.

                Jess lay awake that night, thinking about Lorelai's reaction.  Replaying the scene over and over again in his mind, he tried to figure it out.  But thinking was a tedious task.  Soon, he just had to get up and walk.  

                He grabbed his jacket, put on some shoes, and was out the door.

                He had planned on aimlessly walking around, but his feet took him somewhere specific, which defeated the purpose of aimlessly walking around, really.

                He sat on, which he affectionately called, "The Godamn Bridge," and he easily lost himself to his thoughts.  

                Jess remembered the look Lorelai's face that morning yet again.  What did that look mean?

                He watched the water swirl around his feet.  Then it hit him.  It felt like an anvil dropping on his face, yet it was so refreshing to know.

                Lorelai was concerned about him.  Miss Lorelai Gilmore was worried about him.

                Jess was seriously growing on her.  He was getting under her skin.  

                This was weird.

                Huh.  This was funny.  Not laugh-out-loud funny, because God only knows the last time he laughed out loud; but a weird-funny funny.

                Who would have thought that Lorelai Gilmore was fretting over the Devil Boy and his girlfriend?

                That next morning, Lorelai walked into the Diner looking very tired.  Jess smiled.  

                "Lorelai."

                "Oomph."

                He poured her a cup of coffee.  She drank it while Jess waited for her to put it down, which was a long time, considering Lorelai's obsession with the stuff.

                Lorelai's features changed from Sheer Bliss to What-The-Hell-Are-You-Looking-At?

                "What the hell are you looking at, Jess?"

                "Nothing."  A slight smirk.

                She looked at him suspiciously and drank more.  The door jingled and Shane walked in.  Jess saw the suspicion disappear and was replaced by that same look she made the day before.

                "Hey, Shane."

                "Hey, Jess.  I just came over to say that my parents are having this dinner thing tomorrow night, and they wanted you and Luke to come.  They really want to meet you guys."

                He stole a glance at Lorelai and smiled wider (but wasn't really seen by the naked eye since Jess wasn't the big-smiley type).  

"Sure, we'll go."


	7. Luke

﻿ 

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

The last chapter was pretty weird, I know. The end of this one is kind of weird, too. I'm turning into a weirdo. Isn't "weird" a cool word?

Luke turned to call his nephew, but Jess was nowhere to be found. With a confused look at Caesar, he asked, "Where the hell is Jess?"

"Out with his girlfriend," he replied without lifting his head.

Luke sighed and closed his eyes. Jess was always with his girlfriend. It was great that the kid had someone, but it would have been nicer if he remembered his shifts once in a while. He took off his apron and ventured outside to find his missing nephew.

He reached the middle of town soon and finally found Jess. He was, indeed, with Shane. With a grunt, he made his way towards them. But before he could reach the two damned love birds, something caught his attention.

In the shrubs that lined the town square, he saw two asses. Not the donkey-mule-horse thing, but asses as in backsides, butts, buttocks. Not bare, of course, but he did recognize one of them. One was in denim jeans, the other, more familiar one was covered in the crazy pants he had seen earlier this morning.

"What the hell are you doing, Lorelai?" he thundered.

Luke watched as the two people scuffle about with the plants. It was, not surprisingly, Lorelai. The other one was the hyper Korean kid, Lane. When they won their battle with the greens, Lorelai had the gall to glare at him.

"Shut up, shut up, _shut__ up_!" Lorelai whispered hoarsely. She grabbed his shirt and dragged him down with them.

"What is this?" he asked, in the same tone as Lorelai. He parted the plants and saw Jess and Shane. "Oh, my God you are stalking my nephew."

"We are not!" Lane said.

"Then what the hell are you two doing in the dirt with your asses in the air, holding binoculars? Jesus, you guys even have a logbook?" Luke lifted the tiny notebook and scanned through it. Lorelai quickly jerked it away before he could read any of its contents.

Then it occurred to him that there were now three asses in the air. One of them was his. Dammit, Lorelai. She was the only one who could get him a free room at the local loony bin.

"Look, Rory told me that she'd fallen for Jess, alright?"

"Then what does following him around have to do with it?"

Lorelai remained quiet with a guilty and confused face. She had no idea why she was doing this.

"That's not the reason, Lorelai. Wait a minute… Rory's in love with Jess?"

"Yes! And we are doing this for her!"

"No, you're not." Then Luke gasped, realizing something. He then burst out laughing. Sort of. He wasn't the laughing type. It sounded something between a chuckle and a snort.

"What's wrong with you now?"

"You're worried about Jess!"

"I am not! I could care less about him!"

"Yeah, right. You care about the kid, admit it! This has nothing to do with Rory! It's all about you and your love for Jess. This girl makes you nervous because she isn't like Rory."

Lane grinned at Lorelai. "Shame on you, Lorelai. You're using your own daughter."

"Hey, we were in this together!"

"I was doing this because I had to get out of the house. Besides, Shane's pretty cool. I like her. She's kind of has that Siouxie Sioux Thing going on."

"Traitor."

Suddenly, Lorelai faced Luke. "You're going to have a dinner thing with Shane's parents tomorrow night, aren't you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Take me with you."

"What? NO!"

She grabbed his shirt and fiercely pulled him towards her. "Take me with you."

"No."

"Mom, Dad, this is Jess, Luke, and his girlfriend, Lorelai Gilmore." Shane introduced.

"Happy to meet you all." Shane's mother smiled politely.

"Nice to meet you, too. I'm sorry you had to set another place at the table. I feel like a terrible nuisance!"

"Oh! No worries, Lorelai, we're happy to have you!"

"You have no shame." Luke mumbled to her.

"You were the pansy who caved."

"I hate you."


	8. Rory

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

+ AHH!  Another chapter!  Isn't this GREAT?!  It feels so nice to be actually doing this instead of homework!  Ah, jeez, homework!  I have to go!

                Rory let out a breath as her mother played around with the keys to the front door.  She was pooped.  After that long ride home with Paris, any mere mortal would have exploded.  Good thing she wasn't normal.  Sort of.

                "It's so good to have you back, Rory!"  Lorelai finally got the door open.

                They lugged all her luggage into the house.  Rory looked around and smiled.  Six weeks away from home was a doozy.  She missed this house.  Well, what was left of it.

                "Mom, what did you do while I was gone?"

                "I, ah, I had a party with those road hogs from the other town."

                "How impolite of them to not clean up after themselves."

                "I know!  I told Rex to wash the dishes, but he just didn't want to!  But they did stay out of your room, though."

                "Good to know."

                Having a pajama-relax day was exactly what she needed, and it was exactly what her mom suggested.  They were now both in their sleep-wear and eating the kind of food Luke would have cardiac arrests just looking at.  

                Then the doorbell rang.  Rory stood up to see who it was.  

                "Miss Patty, hey!"

                "I just wanted to welcome you back, dear.  I hope being gone that long didn't do any serious harm."

                "No, I'm fine.  Thanks for dropping by."

                "You're welcome, honey.  Bye!"

                Rory returned to the couch and grabbed a bag of chips on her way.  Just as she sat down, someone knocked on the door.  Rory heaved herself out of her seat once again and answered it.

                "Taylor.  Hey."

                "Hello, Rory, I'm glad to see you back to Stars Hollow.  I hope your absence made you appreciate this town even more.  Those big cities are so dirty, you know…"

                "Dirty."

                "Why, of course!  All that trash and pollution…"  He shuddered.

                "Huh.  Okay.  Thanks for letting me know that, Taylor."

                "Okay, Rory.  Anyway, I just wanted to say, 'Welcome home'."

                "Thank you, Taylor."

                After her strange encounter with Taylor, Rory went back to her mother who looked at her tiredly.  She put an M&M in her mouth and said, "I don't think this pajama-relax day is working out, kid."

                "Me neither."

                The day passed and, sure enough, more and more people came over to say, "Hey, there!" and, "Welcome back!"

                Someone knocked on the door again later that day.  Rory sighed and opened it.  When she saw who it was, she jolted upright.

                "Hey, Luke!"

                "Rory.  Welcome back.  Here, I brought you some coffee.  Figured that the whack-jobs would slow you down with all the visiting."

                "Thanks!  Come inside!"

                She motioned him into the house.  Without looking back, she added, "I'll just go and put this in the kitchen."

                "Don't give any to your mom!  That's only for you.  She's had seven already," Luke called out to her as she went into the kitchen.  

                "Hey, I resent that, Luke-o."

                Uh-oh.  Mom.  Now the bickering starts again.

                "Don't call me Luke-o."

                "Why not?"

                "O-kay…"  Rory froze when she saw who Luke had come in with.  

                Jess smiled slightly at her, looking from under his bored eyelids.  "Hey."

                Rory felt her face heat up and her chest pound.  Jess had come to see her.  He wasn't mad at her.  Did he still l-ike her?  Jeez, even her inner voice was starting to crack from that look he was giving her.

                Taking her time, she marched towards him.  Reason once again deserted her, and Impulse reigned in her body.  Without thinking, she grabbed Jess' face and gave him a kiss with an intensity that could have blown up a small country.


	9. Jess

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

++ Hey you guys!  How are you?  Happy?  Great!  The last chapter wasn't too good, eh?  I know.  Well, I'm hoping that this one would seem more thought out.  If it's not, just whack me with a bat and review!  Wouldn't that be comforting?  Maybe for you.  I'm rambling, aren't I?

+ I skipped a Lorelai chapter because I figured that Jess would _have to be next.  It'd look kinda funny if a kiss lasted like, three chapters, wouldn't you think?_

                Jess' heartbeat went irregular.  He thought that a friendly visit would bridge the awkward gap that was between them both.  This kiss kind of went from bridging the gap to actually connecting two landforms.  Literally.

                Rory was still kissing him.  His hands involuntarily, just like during the wedding, went around her.  Each second brought back the feelings bottled up deep inside him.  He realized this and gently and reluctantly pulled away.  This wasn't right.  

                Rory sighed and leaned her forehead against his.

                Jesus Christ.  Rory Gilmore would be the death of him.

                He hesitated for a moment, and then indulged himself to another kiss.

                "Jess," he heard Lorelai lightly plead.

                He had to tell her.  Damn it.  Damn it all to Hell.

                He'd worked so hard to be good for Rory, and now he would once again be the jerk who broke Rory Gilmore.  The asshole everyone hated.

                With a deeply apologetic glance at Lorelai, he sighed.  He turned his eyes towards Rory.  The words tumbled out of his lips and it was like he had slapped her.

                "I have a girlfriend, Rory."

                For saying that, his punishment was to watch Rory's hopeful, content face turn into an image of embarrassment and hurt.

                He would have gladly ripped his own head off, just to prevent himself from seeing that.

                Jess turned to Lorelai.  She was crying.  Good Lord.  He had really done it this time.  

                Lorelai tearfully showed them outside.  Once at the porch, she just gave him this look that broke his heart.  She nodded a farewell and went back inside to comfort Rory.

                Walking home with Luke that night had to be one of the most uncomfortable moments in Jess' life.  A sidelong glance from his uncle made him speak.

                "What do I do, Luke?"

                Luke seemed surprised that Jess asked him such a question.  He turned his head to face him fully.  

                "She's been in love with you for quite a while now."

                He led Jess to a bench and they both sat down.

                "What?" after the words hit him.

                "You heard me.  Now you have to pick one of them.  You can't not break anyone's heart.  One of them has to get hurt."

                The both of them sat a little longer in thoughtful silence.  

                Then they went home.

                Actually, sleeping next to Shane that night had to be the most uncomfortable moments in Jess' life.  But Jess was good at pretending.

                Shane's arm went around him and he heard her whisper, "I love you, Jess."

                "I love you, too, Rory."

                When he felt Shane tense up, it was then he realized his Godamn blooper.  Crap.  Two Let's-Kill-Jess-And-Dump-His-Body-In-The-River mistakes in one night.  This had to be some kind of stupid record.

                He should just commit suicide and get it over with.

                Jess sadly watched Shane as she walked away from him.  One night.  It just took one night to make everything fall apart.  It was just because of Rory Gilmore's Homecoming.

                No.  He couldn't blame Rory for all his screw-ups.

                He was just a totally stupid person.

                The urge to go to the Godamn Bridge was overwhelming, but he knew that the place held too many memories that would just haunt him.  Those memories used to comfort him, but now it seemed that they tortured him.

                Jess had officially reached another one of his life's low points. 


	10. Lorelai

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

++ Hi-ho!  New update!  Yay!  I'm sick, if you guys were wondering where the hell I got the time to write a new chapter.  I ate some God forsaken sushi that just destroyed my internal organs.  Oog.

+ To Alysinomo: I tried to stick in a little more dialogue.  I'm not sure if it's enough.  I couldn't make it any longer, though.   Sorry about that.

   To Len: I'm sorry to keep you hanging. I hope this chapter makes up for it.  A little.

   To Anyone Who Reviewed/ Read: Thank you so much for making me feel welcome to the Gilmore girls fan fiction community.  Ooh, cheese, anyone?

                Lorelai opened the door to Rory's room and quietly entered.  From the bed, she could hear Rory softly sniffling.  That thing with Jess and the Awkward Kiss was just plain weird.  Rory didn't do stuff like this.  It was always around Jess when she was like this.  Jess was changing her; and frankly, Lorelai was getting worried.

                Jess was capable of the things that could hurt a lot of people.  Jess might do a Christopher on Rory.  

                "Why didn't you tell me, mom?" Rory asked without facing her.

                "It wasn't my story to tell.  It didn't occur to me that you'd give him one hell of a welcome like that.  He came over to tell you himself, but, hey; his lips were busy."

                Lorelai saw her daughter's cheeks redden.

                "I don't know what's wrong with me.  My brain just kicked me and suddenly, I was kissing him."

                "Ten brains sewn together couldn't have made that kiss happen, honey."

                She hugged Rory and they both fell asleep dreading tomorrow.

                The next day, Lorelai went to the Diner, as was her usual routine.  Coming inside, she only found Luke behind the counter with the scowl that could have set fire to Stars Hollow.  

                "What's up?"

                Luke was about to answer when Jess came from inside the kitchen with a handful of plates.

                "Watch him, Lorelai, and you'll find out."

                Jess went around the Diner and dropped the plates at random tables.  Lorelai noticed a zombie-like likeness to Jess' actions.  His face didn't seem to move.  His hair was unkempt, and his shirt was on all wrong.  A thin trace of a beard was growing around his chin.  He hadn't shaved.  His eyes were forlorn and red.  He made his way back to the kitchen and tossed a haphazard glance at Lorelai.  A hint of recognition went over his dull eyes, and then he was gone again.

                "He's been like that since last night.  The kid is so disgusting.  The Health Department could close me down on the count of, 'Jess is a bum.'"

                "He looks like he just lost his best friend."

                Luke gave her a look and said, "I thought that would be obvious, but that crazy volcano in that crazy head of yours probably erupted, spewing forth these crazy gallons of crazy magma, blurring your eyes with insanity."  His voice became louder and louder until his face went all red.

                When Lorelai looked at him with a confused face, he added after a beat, "Jess is really pissing me off."

                "I can see that, Mr. Stable Mind.  You've got to get off that honey water."

                "What I really hate about it is that there seems to be something else besides that Incident from last night.  But the little prick won't tell me!"

                "Mr. Stable Mind Whose Curiosity Is Killing His Cat."

                "Stop it with the crazy jokes, Lorelai.  You're confusing me even more."

                "Sorry, dude.  Hey, do you think I can talk to him for a second?"

                "Wear protection, his ugly bum germs might jump onto you."

                "Trojan or Durex?"

                "Jesus, Lorelai!"

                "Don't get your jockstrap in a knot, I was kidding."

                Lorelai entered the kitchen and made her way towards The Undead Formerly Known As Jess.  He was bent over the sink, washing the dishes.

                "Hey, Jess."

                He looked at her stonily and turned back to his work.  After seventeen hours of silence, he murmured, "How is she?"

                "Quiet.  Scary.  Like, Exorcist scary.  She won't get up from bed."

                "Huh."

                Lorelai gulped.  "I'm glad you told her up front, Jess."

                "Nearly killed me to do it.  But now I guess you have one less pebble in your high heels."

                "Jess—"

                "Just go, Lorelai.  Tell her she can go back to Frankenstein for all I care.  She deserves more than him, but he can do so much better than I did."

                Jess wasn't anything like Christopher.  He was willing to let Rory go because he cared so much.  He was a lot like… Lorelai.  Yehah, took a little moment to pump her ego up a notch.

                "Well, for what it's worth, Jess, I think you're more than Dean.  A little bit.  Dean's got that height thing in the bag."

                He looked at her astonished.  Kind of.  Jess was as much the astonished type as he was the smiley type.

                "Bye, Jess.  You're shirt's backwards and inside-out."

                On her way out, Lorelai heard Luke call her back.  She walked back to the counter.  

                "What?"

                "Forgot your coffee." 

                Luke gave Lorelai two large cups of coffee and a big box.

                "Brownies.  Extra fudgy.  I heard that when wallowing, girls tend to eat chocolate.  I may be helping you guys be even less normal than you are now, but I guess this time's an exception."

                "You watched Oprah, didn't you?"

                "Do you want your brownies or not?"

                "Thank you, Luke."

                Luke grunted, crossed his arms and nodded.  When Lorelai got to the door, she opened it.  Just as she was about to leave, she suddenly yelled, "Luke is a softie!  Bye Sweet-Cheeks!"

                "Dammit, Lorelai!"


	11. Luke

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

++ AHHH!  I missed you all!  Hahah!  How are you guys?  School? No?  Yes?  Well, here's a new chapter, just for the heck of it… 'cause I love you guys so much (especially the ones who review [blatant hint for you to review])!

+ Whoo, this is a long one, people (well, for me).  Hope you all satisfaction.  Song (Stand By Me) is originally by Mr. Ben E. King, but the one 'featured' here is a remix, by NoFX. 

                Luke raised his eyebrow as Rory entered the Diner.  If she had been Lorelai, it would have probably taken her at least a month to set foot in there.  Rory was a brave girl.  He smiled as softly as he can (which really wasn't possible) and brought her a cup of coffee without being asked.

                Rory stared at the mug and lifted her tired eyes to Luke's face.

                "Thanks," she said weakly.

                Luke noticed her glancing around the place, obviously looking for The Prick Who Shall Be Left Nameless (until he stopped freaking the bejesus out of Luke).  

                "He's upstairs."

                "Oh.  Is he sick or something?"

                Yeah, sick in the mind.  

                "No.  Yes.  I don't know."

                "I kind of wanted to talk to him, Luke."

                "Rory, I don't think now's a good time.  He's a freaking zombie.  It'd be like having a conversation with a baseball.  How about you; are you feeling alright?"

                She sighed and said, "This must be what it felt like whenever he saw me and Dean together."

                "He's been known to have broken a few pencils.  Plates sometimes; when you guys kissed."

                That comment made Rory smile a little bit.

                "The Prick really cares about you, you know?"

                "Well, he did.  But apparently, not anymore," Rory said quietly.  Then, after a pause, "Did you just call Jess 'The Prick'?"

                Luke slowly made his way up the stairs that night.  He had just closed up all by himself, with no help from The Useless Blob Of Sorrow.

                "Oh, my God."

                Earlier that morning, Luke left his nephew on the couch, staring off into oblivion.  When he got back that night, he hadn't moved an inch.  He was seriously still sitting there, still staring into space.

                "Get your ass into bed if you're just going to take up very good couch space."

                Dead Boy gave him a dull glance and slowly, wordlessly, shuffled to his room.

                Jesus Christ.

                Luke got dressed into his flannel pajamas and crawled into bed.

                _When the night has come_

_                And the land is dark_

_                And the moon is the only light we'll see_

_                Well I won't be afraid_

_                No, I won't be afraid_

_                Just as long as you stand, stand by me_

                Luke smiled in bed, as the familiar words of Ben E. King wafted to his room.  

                _So darlin' darlin' stand by me_

_                Won't you stand by me_

_                Just as long as you stand, stand by me_

_                If the sky that we look upon_

_                Should tumble and fall_

_                And the mountain should crumble to the sea_

_                I won't cry, I won't cry_

_                No, I won't shed a tear_

_                Just as long as you stand, stand by me_

                _So darlin' darlin' –_

                Suddenly, the relaxing sound of the soft guitar fell away, only to be rushed by a flow of gritty, electric guitar and almost violent bashing of the drums.  Oh, God.  The punk scene had gotten to Ben E. King…

                _I won't cry, I won't cry_

_                No I won't be afraid_

_                Just as long as you **fucking stand, stand by me**_

                Luke growled his covers off and stood.  He entered the living room with a hard glare at his nephew.  Only he wasn't on the Godamn couch.

                "Ah, crap.  Jess!  You look like a freaking homicide crime scene."

                Face down on the floor, immobile, lay Hopelessness in its truest form.  Luke walked over to the stereo and turned it off, and in the first time in three days, he heard Jess speak.

                "NoFX not your style?" he asked flatly, not moving at all. 

                "No."  

Luke felt a wave of childishness and sat on the floor next to Jess' motionless body.  He planned the angle perfectly.  So, as his backside landed on the wood, Jess received a generous view of his ass.  That would teach him.

                "Nice view, Luke.  Piling up on the calories, I see."

                Well, at least it got him talking.  Honestly, Luke was getting really worried about the kid.

                "What's bothering you, Jess?"

                "Everything."

                "Care to be a little more specific?"

                "Not really."

                "Jess."

                "Shane broke up with me, alright?"

                "The same night as when Rory grabbed you and gave you one hell of a kiss," Luke said, more to himself than Jess.

                Jess grunted.  Hmm.  The kid was starting to assimilate to Luke's gestures.

                "I'm going back to New York."

                Luke's head snapped to attention.

                "When?"

                "Tomorrow afternoon."

                The past year with Jess had been one of the best times of Luke's life.  He'd never admit that to Jess, of course.  Luke wasn't insane.  Taking care of him gave Luke's life more meaning than just opening and closing the Diner.

                He suddenly remembered Lorelai's reaction when she found out that Jess had gotten under her skin.  He guessed that Jess got under his, too.

                There was no way he'd let Jess go back to Liz like this.  Jess needed someone to take care of him, and Liz certainly wasn't the right person for the job.

                "Okay.  I'll call Liz tomorrow to let her know you're coming back.  Again," he lied.

                Jess made no answer but just lay there, probably contemplating his life and how Rory Gilmore made him feel about it.  And at the same time, Luke stayed still, his mind spinning with a great plan to get Jess and Rory together (since Shane was sadly, yet conveniently, out of the picture).


	12. Jess

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

+++ Hi!  Well, the story, sadly, is almost done.  Maybe two more chapters… I'm not sure.  I don't really plan this stuff.

++ To: Angel Grace, I'm sorry I made Lorelai forget her coffee.  I know it's impossible.  

     To: UniquelyMe, Oh, God… you are only the second person in my whole life to make me all blushy and gross… thank you so much for everything that you've said.  It made me want to write even more… heeheeh!  I loved your review so much… very detailed (and ego boosting [wink]).  I like long reviews. C:  Okay, I'm babbling like crazy.

+ That Season Premiere was pretty annoying, I must say!  No Jess!  It was less that 2 seconds, and you couldn't even see his face!  But everyone became prettier this season.  Especially Rory.  And Paris.  OH!  And Dean finally found a last name!  I was shrieking my little head off when I saw, "Dean Forester" on Rory's envelope!  Hahahaha!!!

                Jess straightened up just as Luke came into the apartment.  He was already done packing.  He just needed to check one last time, and then he would be far, far away from Stars Hollow and Miss Rory Gilmore.  

                He turned to face Luke and shoved his hands in his pockets.

                "Uh, when are you leaving?"

                "Now."

                "Oh.  Okay."

                Luke seemed a little bit agitated.  They stared at each other as long as two men can without having to worry about any destroyed macho image.  Finally, his uncle gave out a cough and got out of the way.

                Jess shouldered his duffel bag.  

                "I'll, ah, send this stuff to you when I get the time," Luke said.

                "Okay."

                Not knowing what to do, Luke awkwardly slapped him on the back and led him downstairs.

                Jess got on the bus without any trouble or delays.  With an unspoken goodbye to Luke, he sat on the seat and faced forward, not really eager to go home, yet not dying to stay either.  

                After a long while, the bus still did not move.  Jess furrowed his eyebrows and got up.  He walked the narrow path towards the front and was surprised to see Kirk on the driver's seat.

                "When are we leaving?" he asked.

                "Never."

                "Wha—"

                "Just get back to your seat, kid."

                He glared at the lanky man and turned around to go back to his seat.

                "Ah, Jesus!" he cried when a flesh cardigan jumped up to greet him.  It was Taylor. 

                "What did I do now?"

                The old man didn't answer, but swung his fist back, and sent Jess a sudden jab to the nose.  Jess' head whipped back, but he wasn't really hurt.  

                "You punch like a girl, Taylor," he said flatly, "What the hell was that for anyway?"

                "That was supposed to knock you out!  That was my best hit!"

                Taylor was such a woman.  "My grandma can _sneeze me to oblivion, compared to that pathetic tap you gave me."_

                "I'll do it," a voice from behind him said darkly.

                Dean?  Jesus, was everybody going to New York?  What were these geeks planning?

                But before Jess' brain could develop an answer, his face was greeted by a hard punch from Dean.  And then all went black.

                Jess groggily regained a bit of consciousness after a while.  Dean could hit like hell.  Wonder what women's self defense classes he took to learn how to punch like that.  His eyesight blurred, but he could hear people talking around him.  Was he in a standing position?  Yeah.  He felt a few hands support his back, as a few people worked around his semi-conscious body.

                He hoped that nobody was trying to rape him or anything.  Hey, you never knew what psychos Stars Hollow could be hiding, eh?

                "He won't hold it, Lorelai!" he heard Sookie St. James say.

                Hold what?

                "Well then, just… here!  Use this!  Tape it around his hand!" Lorelai answered.  Then Jess felt something wrap his hand to a fist.  It was sticky.  He suspected it to be tape, but he wasn't too sure.

                "Shit!  He's coming to!  He's coming to!"

                Suddenly, he felt himself being let go to a freefall.  His face landed on a hard surface, but it still made him stay in a standing position.  

                He groaned and realized that he had just smashed his nose against a door.

                "She's coming!  Everyone hide!"

                Before Jess could turn his head, he fell, yet again.  But thankfully, something broke his fall this time.  He opened his blurry eyes and looked at what had caught his almost lifeless cadaver.

                The birds and stars that danced around his field of vision disappeared, and he finally saw it.

                Her.  Rory.

                Good Lord.  Stars Hollow truly _was the loony town of Connecticut.  They had just knocked him unconscious and brought him here against his will.  Hey, he could press charges for assault and kidnapping.  He knew his rights!_

                "Oh, my God, Jess!  Are you alright?"

                He then felt Rory against him.  Mmm.  Maybe he wouldn't charge for kidnapping.  Maybe just assault.

                Waitaminit!  He was in Rory Gilmore's house!  She hated him to death!  He had to get a grip on himself!

                He tried to answer her, but only a groan could escape his lips.

                Jess felt Rory put an arm under him and led him to the couch.

                "What's on your hand, Jess?"


	13. Rory

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

++ Woah, long chapter, coming through… Jeez, I just went on and on…

+ To: kristendotcom, what do you mean about not wanting Jess and Rory to end up together?  Do you want me to keep going after they get together (come on, people, don't act surprised, it's a stinking Literati…(see my expert use of the vocabulary)), or just not make them get together at all?  I'm very confused…

   To: melissa, NoFX did a remix as well… but Pennywise did a remix of Stand By Me, too?  Really?  Ah, I'm going to hunt the internet down for that song.   

   To: melia, thank you so much for believing in my story… yeah, just like when Tinkerbell lost her powers… you were one of the clappy people that Mary Martin talked to, weren't you?  

   To: hrlo, I haven't been hearing from you a lot… are you angry with me?  (crinkly forehead) Oh, God.  I hope not… what did I do?  I'm really paranoid now.

                Rory tried to contain her laughter when she saw how dazed Jess looked.  For the first time since they met, she actually saw what Jess was feeling.  She quietly led him to the couch and sat him down.

                "Are you alright?" she asked again, a bit of her surprise gone.  Her gaze fell again to his right hand, which was tightly wrapped in duct tape.  From a small opening, a slender stem of an orchid appeared.  Both of them looked at the white and purple flower which hung loosely on its side.  

                Jess groaned.  A late answer to her question.  

                "Is that for me?"

                Jess carefully studied the flower that was forcedly stuck to his hand.  "Huh.  I guess so."

                Rory cautiously removed the thick gray strip that imprisoned Jess' hand.  She took the bloom and laid it on the table.  

                A long, awkward silence fell upon them.  

                "Ah, I'm going to go get you some ice," Rory said, standing up, "for your eye."

                "No.  It's okay, Rory.  I have to get going, anyway," he said.  Jess stood up and walked to the door.

                Rory's heart fell.  Jess didn't want her company.  He opened the door and went outside.  Rory slowly followed him to the porch.  Then, with a sudden burst of desperation, she quickly said, "I need you!"

                Jess turned back to her with the confusion only Rory could give him.  His eyebrows furrowed.  Rory saw that he was about to speak, but her brain shut down, and her heart took over.  Ah, screw it.

                "I know that you and Shane are together.  I know that you're mad at me for that whole Washington-no-goodbye thing.  I know I let you down.  I strung you along as if you'd wait forever.  I- I should burn a fiery death involving Britney Spears and ugly little dwarves with 'Taylor is our god' signs on them.  But I don't care about that now.  All I care about is – is…" she bit her lip, "is us."

                Jess had now turned his full attention to her.

                "I know I can't be your girlfriend.  I've missed my chance on that, for sure, but can't I be your best friend?"

                Jess opened his mouth again to answer.  Fear made her rephrase that last comment.

                "Can I at least be your friend?  At the very least, Jess.  Don't cut me off.  Please."  It was supposed to be rephrased, but the verbal ball in her head kept rolling.  "I want you to acknowledge me.  I want you to talk to me, confide in me.  I need you to be in my life, one way or the other.  Just like before…"

                "Rory."

                "Just a second, I'm still talking- I want someone to talk to about the things I like—"

                "_Rory!"_

                "What?"

                "Shut the hell up," he said with a tiny smirk.

                Rory took in a big breath and smiled at him.  

"So, friends?"

"Maybe somewhere along those lines."

She quickly stepped closer and gave him a hug.

"Thank you, Jess."

She didn't see Jess' eyes fall.

"What are friends for to you besides food suppliers, anyway?"

Rory watched her mother hover by the door that night.  Then she stumbled closer to the couch where Rory was reading.  With a very conspicuous flourish, her mother sat down beside her.

"So what's this I hear about Jess coming over when I was in the Inn?  Working.  Very hard.  Far, far away from the house.  Where Jess supposedly was while I was working very hard in the Inn."

"I knew you were planning something."

"Hey, for the first time in… ever… I sadly denounce the title of Evil Doer.  I've passed the crown to our very flannel friend, Luke Danes."

"Luke planned this?"

"Well, he got us into it.  It was all supposed to be one of those romantic things where we lock you and Jess up somewhere…"

"Luke did not plan this."

"What?  He did!  I had no idea how many times he'd seen She's All That either, but I swear to my Sketchers Sneakers that he came up with that plan.  Of course, we all thought that was cliché, so we changed it a little bit."

"So instead of locking us up together, the plan morphed into knocking the brain cells off Jess and dragging him here to see me."

"Yes.  So many people liked the plan so much, everybody got into it.  You have no idea how many Y chromosomes Taylor actually has.  I think even both of us have more macho in our systems that Taylor.  We had to send Dean in as backup."

"Backup for what?"

"Who do you think knocked the bejesus out of Jess, honey?"

Rory chuckled at the sight she must have missed earlier. 

"That must have been why Jess had that crabbiness to him."

"Speaking of crabs, gah, I mean Jess, how are you guys?"

"We're good.  We're back into that bizarre friends-ish place."

"Just friends?"

"Just friends."

"All that hard work, and we get, "Just friends'?"

"I'm afraid so."

Her mother eyed her carefully.

"Hah, you want more."

Rory found herself turning into a Little Miss Prim and Proper.

"He still has Shane."

"And I have Milo Ventimiglia."

"What does that mean?"

"They broke up, Rory.  He didn't tell you?"

Rory stood in front of the Diner in her peanut pajamas and a thick coat.  She tried to open the door, but it was locked.  With a defiant frown, she started to pound on it.

"JESS!" she bellowed, surprising herself with the volume of her voice.  Man, she could be loud.

Luke staggered to the door in his blue flannel pajamas and yanked the door open.

"You are turning too much into your mother."

"And you _really like flannel, huh?"_

"He's not here.  Try the bridge." Luke said flatly.

"Thanks.  For everything, Luke.  Now I have to go murder my new found best friend for not telling me he broke up with Shane."

"You're welcome.  And good luck."

He shut the door and went back up to the apartment while Rory marched to the bridge.

Rory reached the bridge and found Jess holding a thick book.  He turned the page and pinched his lower lip as he read.

"Jess, why didn't you—"

Rory didn't have a chance to finish.  Slipping on some mud, she fell face first into the water before she could even get to the wooden planks.

"Huh.  Déjà vu, much?" 

                Instead of leaving Rory to splash around like a crazy person, Jess put his book down, slid into the water, and waded towards her.  She immediately clamed down the moment he touched her.  He helped her up the bridge and jumped up next to her.

                "Are you okay?" he asked with concern as Rory hacked her insides out.  Jess extended his arm to beat her back, but Rory violently pushed him away.  

                "You didn't tell me you and Shane broke up."

                "What's with the jealousy?  We're _just friends, as you put it.  Even if you've kissed me __twice and basically made my head spin every minute of they day.  You have got to be one of the most confusing people in the world.  You do one thing, but you also regret it two seconds after it's done."_

                "But we agreed to be friends, you big jerk!"

                "You want to know why I didn't tell you?" Jess' eyes flashed with anger, "I didn't tell you I broke up with Shane because I _knew that if I told you, you'd do something crazier than kissing me like that!  Then after you'd done that __thing that would make my head spin __again, you'd push me away, __AGAIN!  I couldn't take all that crap from you for a third time, Rory.  I want you to be in my life, one way or the other, too."_

                Each word made Rory think more and more.  It _had been her fault that she and Jess drifted apart.  Jess had made everything her decision to make.  She'd gotten mad at him for not waiting for her when she was in Washington, but he had been waiting the whole time.  From the night he stole __Howl, to this moment right here.  He was breathing hard from all that he'd said, but he was still waiting.  Once again, it was up to her to decide their future together._


	14. Lorelai

POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

++ Last chapter.  I'm kind of wonky right now, so if there are any problems, please just tell me…  thanks!

+ To: melissa, I finally heard the Pennywise version, and oh, GOD, it's the exact same song.  It was probably labeled wrong.  And it sounds more like Pennywise than NoFX, anyways.  I'm sorry!  (forgive me, but I'm too tired to change the chapter right now.) 

   To: melia, Mary Martin starred in an old version of Peter Pan, and they had this part where Tinkerbell lost her powers.  She faced the camera and started saying things like, "Oh, no!  Tinkerbell's losing her light!  You don't believe in fairies anymore?  What?  You do?  OH!  Then just clap your hands together so she can hear you all believe in her!"  Tinkerbell was just actually a small spotlight, being turned off and on.  Go figure.

   To: Phoenix, I _so remember you!  Hahah!  How could I forget you?!  I just figured that you weren't reading my stuff anymore.  AH!  I love you!  _

   To: kristendotcom, I'm not sure if this was what you were saying, but just tell me if it isn't.  I'm flexible.  With ideas, I mean.

Lorelai grinned through the darkness as she swatted away a leaf.  Clad in her pajamas and a thick sweater (Rory stole the coat), she knelt down, hidden inside the plants.  She was actually enjoying this observatory experiment that she and Lane had going.  Things between Jess and Rory were getting good, and she was more than happy to bear witness.

"I'm so sorry, Jess." She heard Rory say after Jess' spectacular explosion.  Rory slowly put her arms around his neck and embraced him.  

"It's okay." Jess replied.

"Sooo, are they together or are they still dancing in their 'friends-ish' place?" Lane asked, confused.  She shifted her weight a bit, her legs probably tired from the abuse it had to face just to see Jess and Rory get together.

"This is all very confusing." Lorelai said.

Lane snorted, "Got that right."

The two "huggers" held on to each other a little longer and after a long while, they finally parted.

"So, what's the verdict?" Jess asked.

"I'm tired of deciding for the both of us.  You read a lot, don't you have any ideas?"

"Well, from all the feminist books I've seen in you room, I thought you'd enjoy being dominant…"

Lorelai groaned.  "Blah, blah-blah, blaaah… Jess, _just spit it out!"_

"Ugh, _whip me up, before you go-go..." Lane added._

They were about to divulge more into Jess' being annoying, but were stopped when he suddenly leaned forward and gave Rory a kiss.

Ooh.

"Well, well, progress."

"Finally.  Thank God.  I thought we'd be here until I was fifty-nine."

"Lorelai, you are such a stalker."

She whipped around to see Luke in a hoodie and his flannel pajama-bottoms.

"What are you doing here?"

"Jess still hasn't come back.  I thought he'd be at your place by now, but nobody in your house was home.  So I went here to check the bridge.  But I found two fugitives instead."

Hmm.  He replied pretty quickly there… and he sounded rehearsed…

"Liar, you wanted to see them, too!"

Luke frowned.  Hah.  Lorelai had caught him.

"Come on, let's go to the Diner.  I'll make you guys some food so you won't have to be convicted of any unlawful acts."

"Do Lane and I get danishes?"

"It's the middle of the night, Lorelai… oh, God, not that stupid puppy look… dammit, _fine!  Just get your asses into the Diner."_

After two large cherry danishes, Lane had given up.  Now she and Luke watched as Lorelai consumed a third order of pancakes.

"Someday, when your metabolism slows down, and you have that ugly beer-gut and fat thighs, I'm gonna be there to tell you, 'I told you so.'"

"At least you'll still be there, making me my food.  Coffee.  Now."  Lorelai pounded her mug against the counter top.

Lane smirked, but also saw her watch.

"Oh, man!  I have to get going!  My mom is going to do her second round checks in three minutes!  Bye Lorelai, tell me everything tomorrow.  Thanks Luke!" 

"Ah, to be seventeen.  And a prisoner." 

They watched Lane leave and run like lightning to her house.

"Hey, Bottomless Pit, are you done eating everything I have?"

"Yep." Lorelai said, accompanied by a burp.

"You are disgusting."

"I love you, too, Luke."

"C'mon, I'll walk you home.  I can't let you go out on your own."

"Aw, that's sweet, Luke.  Worried because I'm a little lady?"

"No.  Because I'm sure you'll go back to that stupid bridge and spy on Rory and Jess again."

"Curses."

Luke rolled his eyes at her, "Let's get moving, Mojo."

"You watch that show?"

"Shut up, Lorelai."

Lorelai and Luke took their time walking to the Gilmore house.  The leaves crunched against their feet and little crickets shrieked from the darkness.  Lorelai remembered the exact moment that Jess had kissed Rory and her cheeks burned.  She finally admitted it to herself.  

She was jealous.

"I'm never going to have that ever again, am I, Luke?"

"Have what?" he asked back, flatly.

"That bizarre thing Jess and Rory seem to be calling 'love'."

"Haven't we been over this?" Luke sighed.

"Well, excuse me while I exhume the topic again for an autopsy."

He led her to a park bench and sat beside her.  He took her hands into his and faced her.

"Lorelai, listen to me: you will fall in love again.  I promise that.  It may take a while, considering that this jackass may still either be a big coward, or he's still trying to figure some stuff out.  But that time will come, okay?  So don't worry about it too much.  I can give you a hundred percent guarantee that he loves you so much, though."

Lorelai smiled and said, "I just hope that Chris doesn't take too long.  I still want some natural hair by the time he sucks it up."

Luke forced a smile and took his cap off.  "Yeah.  Heh, _Chris.  Yeah, the slow… jackass."  He was wringing his cap in his hands now, apparently nervous.  Lorelai wasn't sure why._

She put an arm around him and kissed his cheek.

Mwah!

"Lorelai?"

"Yes, Luke?"

"Do that again and someone's life will be in jeopardy," he gruffly said, but obviously blushing.

"You can't kill me; I'm too pretty to die."

She didn't know that Luke was talking about _his life, not hers._

"C'mon, I'm supposed to walk you home, not Dr. Laura you."

End.


End file.
